Love & Gratipoop

Since leaving college and the city of Columbus, I've tried to balance my professional life and my college life equally. There are those who graduate and never move on and there are those who graduate and never look back. I love and respect my friends too much to just turn them into casual acquaintances. But, at the same time, there are those that choose to lurk around the CSU Theatre Department five years after they've graduated. Luckily, I am not close friends with any of those kinds of people. They are known as "creepers" in my book.

I feel like I've done a good job in the last year and a half with this balance. I try to make it down every other month for a show, a reunion, etc. It helps being on a tight budget because gas is definitely a factor. However, this summer, I've been there A LOT. (Well, by a lot, I mean once in June, twice in July.) Actually, it's not really Columbus, there have just been MANY opportunities to see a lot of friends in the last two months. The more I see my friends, the more I miss them. The more I miss them, the more I want to stay in close contact with them. The more I stay in contact with them, the more my happiness is dependent on them. This happened to me in college and it was very dangerous.

I usually get into these moods when I have a lot of time on my hands. I become paranoid and needy. This has been a GREAT summer, lots of job opportunities and plenty of career-based thrills. But on the days where I don't work, boredom hits me hardcore. I'm borderline miserable. I guess like anybody else, I spend a lot of time surfing the web, texting, trying to find something to occupy my time. These are the days that I CANNOT get my friends out of my head. IT DRIVES ME INSANE. If I had these feelings on days where I'm working, it would totally be a distraction (as much as I hate to label my friends as distractions, which they aren't.)

This summer, I became closer to my already close friends. It's great. I have even branched out and expanded my friendships with some people I wasn't friends with in college. The only problem is: they're in Columbus, I'm not. This is tricky because I want to stay attached and bask in this summer lovin', but without getting caught up in a clingy mess. (See: "creeper") I predict that the end of the summer will end a lot of this paranoia. Once I get working on another theatre gig, I'll have something to occupy my time (and my mind) for the majority of the day.

I trust my friends and my friendships with my friends, so I'm not worried that the new academic year will cease our bonds. I think I'm worried that my hippie-like happiness will fade, due to lack of contact. I've been truly spoiled this summer. There's a new openness with those I love; it's kind of weird, kind of cool. It's like a heightened sense of love. I like feeling this way. My friendships have NEVER been defined as clearly as they are now.

I sound high.

I think it all boils down to time management. I have always been/will always be the type of person that needs to be doing something ALL THE TIME. Or else, I will write paradoxical blog entries like this one. My mind is a mess.

"And I need you to know I am both happy and sad at the same time, and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be." -This quote from The Perks of Being a Wallflower captures my life PERFECTLY, right now!

Much love,
Jono